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How Not to Become a "Monster Parent"
Do you have moments when being a 'nice' parent just seems impossible? For example, your toddler is still running around the house, refusing to sleep and it's already 11 pm. Or when you're tired and they decide to reward you with more whining and a temper tantrum? And how about times when you are late and they still prefer to move at a snail's pace?
'Monster Parent' moments are when your anger gets the better of you. You scream and yell, maybe even hit or hurl abusive words at your children. You look at your children with daggers coming out of your eyes and your idea of discipline at that moment is to inflict pain and hurt.
It is probably safe to say that having occasional 'Monster Parent' moments are quite common among parents. After all, we are only humans and we have good days and bad days. But beware that these occasional 'Monster Parent' moments do not become too frequent. Do not end up becoming an abusive parent.
So, what can you do to avoid becoming a 'Monster Parent'?
1. Identify your triggers:
Take some time out to sit down and identify the times or situations when you tend to resort to violence or shouting. Is it always during meal times? Or is it in the morning when you are rushing to work and getting the kids to school? Mothers, you may even want to consider if it has any connection with your menstrual cycle. What triggers your anger?
2. Plan to make things more workable:
After identifying your triggers, come up with an action plan. This includes adjusting your expectations. Meaning, accept the fact that it may be difficult for them to change overnight. So come up with solutions to make life more bearable for you. For example, you have Miss Picasso who loves to scribble on your walls. How about designating a special wall scribbling area by sticking big pieces of white paper on that wall for her scribbling pleasure. And if your child is a slow eater, don't plan appointments right after lunch.
3. Learn from the experience:
Don't react the same way again and again when faced with the same situation. Decide how you are going to handle it differently the next time. Plan what you are going to say and do. If you find yourself screaming and hitting your children every time they fight, decide what is a better way to handle the problem when they fight again next time. Put them both in time out? Hear them both out first? Encourage them to negotiate with each other? Decide before hand how you will respond to specific situations.
4. Make rules and stick by it:
Let your children know what ticks you off. Work out the rules and consequences. If your children are older, you can make the rules together.
5. Focus on the positive:
Somehow we tend to take notice of our children's misconduct more easily and quickly than we do of their good works. I'm sure you've heard that praising is the better motivator for good behavior. To steer your focus in the right direction, you could make a "Good Behavior" chart and put a mark for each good thing your children do the whole day.
6. Allow yourself some "Me" time:
Don't hesitate to take a break from time to time. Get a babysitter or have your spouse take over for a few hours. Go pamper yourself and rejuvenate.
Nobody wants to be a 'Monster Parent' but it happens from time to time. The trick is to not let it get out of hand. Take time to evaluate your abusive patterns and triggers. Make a plan today to put that "Monster" in chains.
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