Many men and woman complain that they don't have a great sex life and they are resentful toward their spouse or their partner for this. What we need to learn is; are we the real reason behind this and is our resentfulness is misplaced?

While our sexual experiences are often influenced by the people we have sex with, we are the ones that need to define what we want from our sex lives, and then seek that out. When we can embrace our sexuality and tell the people that we are physical with what we want, only then can we experience what we fantasize about. For instance, if you have many fantasies that play over and over again in your mind but you do not tell your spouse about them, why are you resentful towards them?

If you know what you want sexually you need to embrace that and learn how to tell the person you are having sex with what you want! While most couples are close, unfortunately, for the most part, partners cannot become mind readers. No amount of subtle hints are a substitute for a verbal instruction. Only when you realize that communication is paramount within a relationship, including the bedroom, will you embrace the full potential of it and thus stop misplacing that resentment.

If you feel uncomfortable talking about what you want from your sex life, try to show your partner. Experts often say that acting out what you want done to you in a sexual sense is the best way to let your partner know what you want. If you don't think that will work or you aren't quite that brave, don't be afraid to write it down! Why not send a racy email or even pin a letter on the pillow of your partner to let them know what you want but are too shy to ask for! Not only will this add an element of fun and excitement to your sex life because you are asking for new and different things, your fantasies might very well be fulfilled.

By sharing what you want you may be able to try the things that you have always wanted to try, in addition to other things that may come along as you experiment. Fulfilling your fantasies will undoubtedly lead to more new and interesting things for you to try, as well as a new closeness between you and your partner.

Jenna Stevenson is a tester of adult sex toys at http://www.batteries-not-included.co.uk and offers adult toy advice at http://www.thelatestvibe.co.uk